This time last year I was severely struggling to hold on to sanity. I had 'lost it', broken down with mental pressures which gained the better of me. I was drug-free and without a sympathic friend within practicable distance. I had fallen into a rut with my unattentive students and a social trap of partying at weekends, like I was just out of university. The subsequent melt-down of anxiety attacks and depression caused me to cut short my second stint in South Korea and I returned home, less wealthy and with all of my tail between all of my legs.
What a difference a year makes... actually it takes less time than that. But I certainly had winter blues back in the UK. Not until I undertook and completed my CELTA course back in Feb/March did things begin to get better. After a brief misguided assumption that I would return to Korea and a similar brief flirtation of the idea of teaching somewhere in Europe (e.g. Spain) I made inroads into the possibility of teaching in China. Obviously, getting a Chinese girlfriend help to point my GPS in the right direction... and she has handsomely repaid my 'investment' in her by brokering a deal whereby I live with her auntie and 9 year old son. The coincidence and practicality of where I suddenly find myself goes to show that every Beijing pollution-generated cloud has a silver lining. I now take the 9 year old to school each morning. I teach him English five evenings a week (or whenever possible). I have my dinner cooked for me and, furthermore, I get to live in a comfortable apartment, within walking distance of my workplace, rent-free. I have tried to contribute to the running costs but my co-habitant is having none of it... it is enough that I am teaching her son and don't cause her any trouble. I think if I threw a party and invited hoardes of clubbers back from Vix and Mix that might change the atmosphere... but that is about as likely as CCTV suddenly attacking the government.
I don't really want to be thrust into a position where my responsibilities suddenly increase for no extra salary. I would do it if I could. But I am committed to teaching both there and and at home. I would say, however, that I had this dream once, it was about a year ago. I was thrust into a position where I was trying to hold down 3 or 4 different jobs... the lack of quality control did for me and I fell between them all. I have been promised that my contract will be honoured... but I don't want it all to suddenly go pear-shaped at work. It is currently banana-shaped... with skins being placed routinely under our feet to try to slip us up!
The next week could prove to be a make or break one. I will write again, hopefully, next Sunday. In the meantime I sign off with a poem, in the style of Dr.Suess (which I have been reading and watching with my 9 year old):
What are they doing?
To us here at Bell.
They are making it hard,
They are making it hell.
Yes, making it hell.
We want to be friends
and good workers, too
but they're plotting against us
and that just won't do
no, that just won't do!
They gave us a contract
which hasn't been paid
And that contract is silly
and smells, I'm afraid.
They put us in place with
good wishes of luck
but that luck is transparent
coz they don't give a ****
They gave us some students
with poor English scores
and because we can't teach them
they show us the door
They beat us and break us
with big wooden sticks
and they think we can sort it
with a simple, quick fix
Oh, so what do we do?
now then, what do we do?
They have left us all beaten, all
black and all blue.
I've got to step up
AND still teach FuFu.
So how do I cope with
this Hullabaloo?
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