19

In South Korea, I lasted approximately 372 days.  In Beijing, I lasted 249, while in Riyadh, I managed a total of 177.  In Vietnam, it was 19 - that's n-n-n-n-nineteen!  But let's not mention the war - until later.

I have made a decision to quit my job and, for now at least, leave Vietnam.  Certain expectations of myself and my role are not working out for me and I have had a gut feeling, since the start, that things haven't felt right and it has been causing me to have generalised worries beyond that might be considered normal.  It was not quite the role I wanted straight after completing my Masters.  It's not a failure, it's a wise decision for my health and wellbeing.  SÒ LÔng to Thủ Dầu Một.

In Riyadh, I completed the length of my contract, having not missed a day's work.  In Beijing, I left a month early, but this was post graduation ceremony and I wanted to work again for Bell on the young learner summer course.  I had also suffered some anxiety over my domestic situation, trying to end a relationship which had become fractious.  In Changwon, I decided to leave because I felt I had made a mistake in signing for a second year.  It could have been a more amicable split. The timing could have been better. 

It was not until earlier this year, having suffered from anxiety attacks at home, that I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, but I have suffered from it, on and off, for years now.  Sometimes, certain situations become too much for me and I feel the need to run away, rather than sticking with it.  But it is not a constant attribution.

Looking back, I have also suffered from, but managed to overcome, symptoms in other locations, which pre-date from my time in Korea, where I was in a teaching job for the first time, and discounting my volunteering stint in Tanzania.   Sometimes, I have managed to work through it or sought help which has eased the problems.  At other times, when I have decided to draw things to a close, I have felt so overwhelmed that I have had to leave or, at least, take time out.  This includes a couple of occasions during the past year, doing my Masters or serving customers in a bar and restaurant in my home town, during the busy summer months.  In both of those last examples, I came back, fitter, stronger.  But it is a recurring theme, and not being organised and not knowing where and what I am teaching is the scourge of my dreams (nightmares) when I sleep. 

Why does it happen?  Well, each situation is unique and comes with its own obstacles or conditions which make functioning very difficult.  What might link them all is the stuff that goes round my head about expectations and performance.  For me, I readily admit that I suffer from a perfectionist streak and that I have high standards of myself.  Sometimes, I get so worked up about things being just as I want them to be, and the reality is that often my expectations are too great.  I know this has something to do with it.  Certain things need to be in place for me to feel happy and to be able to function as I want to.  Sometimes these are sufficiently present, while at other times, these are lacking, and I bemoan the fact.  If I am unable to verbalise my worries then panic attacks ensue, beginning with heavy breathing and pacing up and down.  And despite being very familiar the serenity prayer, and having recently written and spoken about mindfulness, I am guilty of not putting rational thinking into my daily life or putting things into place some tactics for coping with the situation I am faced with.

Having said all this, there are some things I had hoped for in my next job after my masters in ELT with a specialism in ICT, and that is the extensive use of technology.  Having written about this for my dissertation, I felt that my next role would see a greater use of technology.  I was never under any illusion that I would get that at EIU.  It clearly wasn't the place to expect that and in getting back to nitty-gritty whiteboard-only teaching, I felt it was a throwback to my days at CAFA, in Beijing.  Ideally, I would have adapted to the conditions, been resourceful and imaginative.  Timing is everything, and I feel I just wasn't up-to-speed and was let down by issues of online connectivity.  Not that long ago, I was planning to work in Dubai or Abu Dhabi, where technology would have been all around.  That opportunity never came up.  Neither was the opportunity at RMIT which I had originally pinned my hopes on.

As I am writing, I am listening to Test Match Special cricket commentary from England's current tour of India.  Geoffrey Boycott is talking, as he has done many times, about the failings of England's batsmen and what goes on in their heads, especially when they get out too early into their innings, and don't allow enough time to play themselves in.  There is a similar analogy here with how cricketers, as well as many other professional sportsmen and women, have to overcome mental demons, to succeed.  I am also reminded of Marcus Trescothick, a brilliant opening batsmen for Somerset and England, who once he started to suffer from a 'stress-related illness' abroad, found he was unable to ever tour again.   More recently, last year, Michael Yardy returned from England's 50 overs World Cup campaign, suffering from depression.  Coincidentally, in three innings, he had scored just 19.  At the time he stated,

"Leaving at this stage of the World Cup campaign was a very difficult decision to make," the 30-year-old said. "But I felt it was the only sensible option for me and I wanted to be honest about the reason behind that decision."

I can relate to the difficulties of 'situational response' that comes with confronting a situation similar to one before when problems arose.  Maybe I didn't given myself enough time to settle into my innings, either, trying to 'hit a six' before I had even played myself in.  But at least I have been honest about my reasons for my decision.

Ho Chi Minh at the Central Post Office

So, my third and final weekend in the country, was spent in Ho Chi Minh City, during which I told my line manager and some colleagues of my decision.  Whilst they went ahead with plans to go on a boat trip and a train/beach trip to Nha Trang respectively, I stayed put in the city to ruminate on my decision.  I managed to get a wonderful massage and a decent evening meal at the Vietnamese kitchen in Dong Bui Vien and also hired a bike to take me round the city visiting a few of the most popular tourist attractions.  Popular, maybe, but enjoyable, certainly not.  The War Remnants Museum is a harrowing account of the atrocities carried out during the prolonged Vietnam war.  The displays are consistently anti American, detailing the full horror of US involvement in the country, most notably the massacre of My Lai and the use of Agent Orange on the country.   At the Reunification Palace, you can stroll around a deserted government building.  The first communist tanks to arrive in Saigon on 30 April 1975, smashed down the palace gates, and it is as if time has stood still ever since:  60's style decor, presidential operations rooms and banquetting halls, detailed wall maps, a helipad, a gambling room, a lush movie theatre and a fascinating basement, full of telecommunications equipment in a network of tunnels.  It must rival the cabinet war rooms in London for historical impact.  

The most popular tourist destination in the city

Some of the chemical weapons used in the Vietnam War

Vietnam... First Impressions

I need to put a few thoughts on my first impressions of Vietnam and of my new role at Eastern International University, Binh Duong.   This is unashamedly personal, rather than professional, although I do mention my new job and my first feelings about being at Eastern International University in Binh Duong New City. 

I flew out to Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon) on 31 October, with the intention of turning up at work on 1 November.  This I did, briefly, just to sort out my documentation, which included everything apart from my police check, which hadn't arrived in time before I left the UK.   The journey, at night, to my Hotel, the Thiên Hà, in Thủ Dầu Một was remarkable mostly for seeing the nightlife in Saigon for the first time, and the incredible number of motorbikes dominating the streets.  The pre-arranged taxi driver stung me for an extra 100,000 dong, fitting with a pattern that I am used to whenever I have arrived in a new country.  But jet lag dictates every time and my naivety won again.  I was also concerned about not being able to withdraw money at the ATM from one bank card, and this was due to a stoppage, due to some (not really) unusual purchases on my journey.  I managed to sort it out the next day, once I had rung the fraud section.  I sorted out some photos at the same time as another new arrival, Tom Petty, at a local 'Kodak' shop, in the shadows of Becamex Tower.  The photos which I had arranged in the UK did not have the sufficiently white background, but a very quick photoshopped, new portrait was conducted very cheaply.  Becamex, by the way, are one of the biggest corporations in the area and involved in many things other than education.  They will also be paying my wages.

On Tuesday, I went with Tom to the local hospital, for a health check, followed by a trip to HSBC to open a bank account, so that I could get paid (but not until December 15).  The former was interesting to say the least, full to the rafters, complete with possible casualities of the war or traffic accidents.  Laughably, for Tom and the accompanying assistant from EIU, I couldn't 'perform' the urine test, and had to drink copious amounts of water to pass the test.  Some of the other tests were quite arbitrary and were not dissimilar to those I had to undertake when I first went to Beijing.

First coffee, Cafe Sua Da, full of sugery condensed milk, was followed on Friday by a first taste of the somewhat basic canteen food at the university.  Cheap offcuts of meat, something soupy and rice.  Subsequent coffees were strong and black, Cafe Nam/Da, but still served with ice, both at the hotel and at the canteen.  Dừa (cocunuts) were an additional recommendation.

I met up with Tom Baker (a colleague from KSA, Riyadh) later in the evening.  Having stayed in the hotel for a whole year, he had just found a place to rent with 3 others.  He had also had equipped himself with a motorbike, similar to many others at EIU.  We tried some food at Tay Ho, which was a decent mix of shrimp soup and stir fried vegetables.  I was also introduced to JD's - an expat hang-out, with familiar western style breakfasts, cheap double gin and tonics and quiz nights.   

On Friday night, my head was full of stories about EIU, but I put that to one side as I ventured back into Saigon for my first night, staying at the reasonably-priced Bi Saigon hotel off Pham Ngu Lao, in the backpacker friendly district 1, but first heading out with work colleagues to watch an amateur dramatic performance of the Rocky Horror (Picture) Show.  The venue was the Bon Mua Restaurant on the banks of the river in District 2.  A sterling effort, carried by the leads, with a impromptu appearance by a live bat just as Brad and Janet approached Frank-n-Furters Castle.  This was followed by some dancing at The Hideaway, where a couple of guys from work did some DJ-ing. 

 

 

I was highly conscious of carrying my new Lumix camera and Blackberry.  I later ditched the mobile in favour of a Nokia complete with local SIM card. I took an expensive but tasty thai lunch at a place opposite the Crazy Buffalo.  Any culture shock which I was suffering from, was tempered by the number of foreigners wandering around District 1. The 616 bus back to Thủ Dầu Một, was convenient found parked in Pham Ngu Lao.

During the week I ate out at some local establishments - namely JD's, Billies, 'Quan Hai Phuong' (so-called 'Squid' restaurant), and Mi Xao Gion.  All of these are within a stone's throw of the Thiên Ha.  All of this was necessary to orientate myself to my new neighbourhood.  The disorientation that I have been feeling since I got here, was compounded by being so dependant on others who seemingly have adapted to life here a lot quicker than I might imagine happening to myself.  Being in a paid-for hotel, too, is a stop-gap, but in one week's time I have to start paying to be here, of which I talk about a bit more in a moment.

During induction, at EIU, on the Monday, I became completely overwhelmed, almost to the point of thinking I couldn't do it, and contemplating the next, convenient flight out of the country.  Still quite jet lagged, my brain really wasn't functioning well and the extensive list of 'problems' associated with Vietnamese learners of English, didn't help.  Nonetheless, I slept on it, landing myself a desk, if not a computer, which I inherited from a South African who had had to leave suddenly due to a death in his family.  I also inherited his classes and found myself partnering a friendly and helpful British guy (pre-intermediate class) and his actual partner, an equally friendly Russian woman (elementary class).  There are a high percentage of British language teachers in post, with a splattering of Americans, South Africans, Germans and Aussies.  A remarkably high number had previously taught in Korea, while some have experience of the Middle East, like myself.  I was encouraged by a conversation I had about Teacher Training Videos, run by my friend and former personal tutor, Russell Stannard, at Warwick.  And I found myself using his site to introduce myself to Edmodo, a web tool being rolled out across the programme.

 

It is certainly going to be a steep-learning curve, and it would do me well to stay away from the politics and get on and just focus on teaching my classes.  All thoughts of being senior teacher have been quickly jettisoned in my mind, as I realised it would be difficult enough just to teach my daily four-hour classes (with 15 minute break).  Although IELTS preparation is a big motivational factor here, I am less involved in that, teaching on the general English program.  But I did offer the Collins IELTS books, which I won in Glasgow earlier this year, and these were gratefully received. My classes are a reasonably manageable 18 and 16 students respectfully, and despite the difficulties they face as learners, the big advantage is just how keen they are and willing to endure long class times.  I was cheered up by the round of applause I got when I was introduced to my pre-intermediate class on the day before I started teaching.  I think they were relieved to have a change of teacher, who had not been recording what he had done from the extensive scheme of work.  It was a great start, creating rapport and doing pronunciation, followed by a decent second lesson.  Keen, forgiving students who didn't seem to notice that on Friday I was 'spent' - no energy other than to teach straight from the book.  Test and homework submitted, but complete failure trying to get them to post a simple Mail Vu messgage on Edmodo.  I flagged a little during my third lesson on the Friday, relying on the book too much and wondering what the hell I was doing with them.  But they 'warmed' to their weekly test and the instructions for a game of 'battleships' was received and acted upon much better than I expected. 

The terms (or 'quarters') are 10 weeks long, during which time, in theory, the students progress from one level to the next, but in reality this is notoriously dificult.  They are tested at the end of every level.  In that sense, it was not dissimiliar to the situation I found myself in Beijing where there was an unrealistic expectations of how quickly the students could progress.  The British Council advice on going up a level takes a minimum of 6 months, but we are expecting them to progress in a much shorter space of time, which doesn't happen.  Luckily the manager of the general English programme is extremely knowledgable, helpful and willing to defend the teachers against the management of the institution if unrealistic progression is not forthcoming.

On my second Friday, and at the end of my first full week, I visited the Aroma Apartments, courtesy of an invitation from Andrea and her husband, Mark.  I am now faced, although not imminently, with a choice of whether I stay in the hotel, which is restrictive, but conveniently situated in the heart of the city, and these wonderfully furnished and spacious apartments, complete with HD TV, which almost overlook EIU, but stand alone in massive field of soon to be developed land.  The aim, I think, is to have 70,000 people living in Binh Duong New City, by 2020.  If I decide the move there, then the purchase of a small motorbike will be needed in order to get back and forth to Thủ Dầu Một. The third option would be to rent a place and sign a Vietnamese tenancy agreement, but that would require maybe 2 or 3 more interested teachers, willing to do the same.  The hotel is convenient for now, but will cost something approaching 450 dollars a month.  The apartment is conveniently paid for by Becamex and I would only need to fork out for utilities.  I could, however, shop and cook.  The big question is whether I would feel isolated living there.

This morning (Saturday) I found a swimming pool, thanks to my partner teacher's directions.  There I had an enjoyable swim, although I unwittingly drew the attention of lots of local kids, who were curious to know how I looked without my clothes on!  I also undertook a shop at the Big C supermarket, successfully getting a taxi back to the hotel before catching up with Tom and the owner of JD's, Harry, teacher and proprietor of the aforementioned Bar & Grill.  On Saturday night, I felt that I had finally arrived, just over one week after I actually did, with a trip into the city for a drink at May's Cafe and then a taxi back to the best restaurant I have found so far, Quan Hai Phuong.  On the way back from there, I discovered a Korean restaurant, so that's the next place I have earmarked for an evening meal.