And It was all Yellow..

Woke up on Saturday 20 March in my new apartment to find the outside was covered in thick yellow dust.  Elsewhere described as 'orange', depending on your own particular colour filter, this is an annual problem in many parts of China.  The sand originates from Inner Mongolia and drifts across when there are high winds.  It's the biggest storm for a year, but not that unusual.  It's exactly the same sand which is carried over to South Korea, by which time it strangely turns 'yellow' and gets called 'Huang-sa'.  In China,where it is known as 'Sha Chen Bao', a massive vegetation plantation programme has been carried out in recent years to try to limit the effect on the capital city.  On Monday, more dust blew in and a severe yellow haze.  Unfortunately more of this is predicted for April. Meanwhile we wait for Spring to fully take hold.


On March 16 Lisa and I moved into apartment 201, Kandouguoji (pron: Can-do-Gwo-jee).  After signing the contract on Saturday 13, we separately moved our stuff over from our respectively places on the Tuesday.  There was a false start to the new life, with tensions during the first few days, but things begun to settle by the weekend.  A shopping trip to the French supermarket, Carrefour, on Saturday, helped us to nest properly and we began to cook (or rather Lisa begun to cook) at home, rather than eating out.


Since then, what Lisa calls the 'vibration' phase has been fully operational.   We begun to settle into a routine, with early rises and synchronized dinners.  I cooked Ratatouille on Thursday, despite a visit to the hospital. A 'fall-out' about something has never been far away.  And on Friday night/Saturday morning a further 'bust-up' after a rejection resulted in.. first, me being asked to leave, then her packing her bags to leave, then a compromise and an offer to forget about all the bad stuff, a further rejection and me being asked to leave again. The last time I looked we weren't in a relationship and heading for the end game, although there is still a door open!  She will stay, I will leave in around 2 weeks time, she will go to France and I won't be there when she returns.  I will work out what I can afford to pay her for the inconvenience, although I have already stipulated that we had a 'verbal' contract about this.  This seemed to shock her into yet another U-turn!


My nerves were not helped this week by an accident when I hastily exited a taxi in Dongshishitiao, following an argument with the driver, and knocked an oncoming young, male motorcyclist off his bike, causing minor injuries.  The taxi driver did a 'runner' leaving me in a state, trying to calm down the youngster, while having no mandarin and him having 2 words in English.  I called for help from the office, but it was a while in coming.  The cyclist's friend appeared and 'weighed up' the potential of the situation.  We whisked the injury party off to the nearest (military) hospital.  In my panicked state I admitted liability and tried to apologise, but soon begun to realise that this is not the local approach.  What followed, was incredibly Chinese.  With no experience of this kind of situation, I offered to pay for the treatment and the medicine.  But it didn't stop there.  The young driver, with the encouragement of his mate wanted compensation.  Minor situations like this are dealt with face-to-face without police involvement.  Negotiations took place as to how much to compensate him for his 'loss'.  An X-Ray had shown there to be no broken bones, maybe a slight fracture of one finger.  Estimated cost: 500 yuan (excluding 260 for drugs and treatment).  Clearly they milked it for all it was worth, but it could have been worse.  In hindsight, I was told that the taxi driver had been irresponsible and that the young driver himself had tried to drive through a narrow gap between a parked car and my taxi which had come to a halt.  It was a lesson learned the hard way, but it shook me up and made me feel very foreign. 


So it has not been easy lately.  I have fallen out of love with my job, as the 'goalposts' continued to get moved, although I still haven't ruled out a return.  It is still too early to call.  A lot now depends on what happens with my relationship.  My suspicion is that it will end sometime soon with a financial settlement needed.  The 'court' may go for a 'fixed penalty' charge, but I will plead bankruptcy and may have to do community service.  Meanwhile my heart yearns for the Red Rose of England once more.  I am counting the days and waiting for the sun to shine properly through the haze.

Guanxi and The Philosophy of Social Relationships

Guanxi is a central idea in Chinese society.  The concept is not exclusively Chinese, as there are many versions n other cultures, such as Sociolismo in Cuba, and Blat in Russia.  Sociologists have written in the past about 'social capital' (LJ Hanifan, Pierre Bourdieu,, and others have written about  'Gemeinschaft' (Ferdinand Tonnies).

Essentially, Guanxi is the personal connection between two or more people in which one side is prevailed upon to perform a favour or service for the other. The two protagonists need not be of similar social status.  Guanxi is also used to describe a network of contacts, which individuals can draw upon in times of need or for an exertion of influence.  The more influence you have, the more 'good' Guanxi you possess.  Guanxi isn't necessarily used at the family level, although it can be used in extended family situations.  It doesn't apply in other regular societal relations, such as boss-employee or teacher-student. But it can be used across different public spheres.  A parent, for example, could call on a friend, who runs a business and ask for her son or daughter to be given a job in that firm.  The guarantee of that offspring being employed is often based on a previous favour given the other way.

It has happened within the past fortnight at my firm, in which a young, female, undergraduate has been given a job with our company. I have been asked by the Director of Studies to help with her English, by giving her private tuition.  This person, who pays no fee to the university, has been allowed to sit in on our lessons and help out with general office duties.  We are led to believe that she is going to repay the offer by setting up some kind of business link with university students.  That remains to be seen, but Guanxi is clearly at work here.

Tied up with Guanxi, is the other very common concept of 'face'.  To turn down or to be dismissive in the face of Guanxi may result in loss of face for one party, not something the Chinese like to have happen to them.  'Face' affects people not wanting to appear stupid or ignorant.  It affects a student who (a) doesn't want to feel embarrassed in front of peers and (b) doesn't want to embarrass her peers by knowing all the answers.

But I don't wish to dwell upon 'face'.  I only wish to deal with social relations.  Clearly, I don't have any guanxi.  I am not Chinese and I wouldn't know how to exert influence in that way.  I have no connections or social relations which I have built up in the 6 months I have been here.  I am able to influence normal social relations at work by showing good examples and demonstrating good, professional practice.  My influence is more subtle, less pressured.  I hope I respond to new requests as part of my job with good grace.  I have, for example, to now teach a separate paying student at the main office, twice a week in the afternoons.  This comes within my contract, but up until now has not been applied.  I am well organised this semester and have my teaching overview laid out.  So, I don't have to spend all afternoon planning lessons and can easily cope with 4 hours of 'additional' one-to-one tuition.  I prefer the photocopier in the Bell office, anyway, so I will take it as an opportunity for colour printing!  Every indication after the first full week of teaching is that the students will not be around in June or July.  All the good students will have left, while all the next band will be going to the UK or the States earlier in order to do foundation language studies ahead of starting their courses in September.   March to May will be full-on, but attendance will be patchy.  I am already missing two thirds of my class in some lessons!  But I can quietly build and lay some solid foundations for next year, next Semester, this coming September.. which leads me onto my main news.

I have signed a 12 month contract for a new apartment.  The contract is solely in my name, but Lisa is paying half of all the costs.  She will move in with me next weekend.  The contract has begun on Pi Day (3.14).  It does 2 essential things.  It shows a commitment to my new relationship and to my relationship with Beijing.  It doesn't guarantee I will work for Bell-Beijing after this current contract ends but it does show a strong intention of doing so.  That remains to be seen and I needn't (re)negotiate that until the summer.  As previously blogged, it is impossible to have any kind of decent relationship while we are both living in our current situations.  I have been encouraged to take the initiative and found happy that the place I saw and chose is the one we have agreed to move into.  It has happened very quickly, but a lot of thought has gone into it.  Already the contract is signed, I have not paid a single yuan so far, but will repay my share over the coming months.  Trust and faith has been shown on a level which indicates a long-term relationship... and I believe that we have laid the basis of our life together with very positive, trust and love-based foundations.

Any financial concerns about being able to afford my own place are made easier by joint-sharing the cost.  Any financial doubts about continuing to pay the rent for up to 12 months have been (hopefully) removed by a verbal agreement between Lisa and myself.  We both want it to work, but realise that nothing is certain in life.  She has committed herself to her French employer in Beijing for at least another year, if not 2 years.  She is mature, logical (most of the time) and reasonable astute with money.  I am confident that even if I don't work for Bell or at CAFA I can find alternative employment.  But my feeling is that I will be back at the arts university, with a new cohort of students, next year. I will feel the benefits of returning and that last sentence is key to why I feel that I would not be repeating the experience I had on returning to Changwon, Oct 2008.


I don't feel, therefore, the need for 'guanxi'.  As from next weekend, I will have someone who can regularly 'scratch my back' if I want it!!

 first pictures from apt.201, Kandouguoji.

Love

TP

A bunch of flowers might have saved my life

One week after I thought it was all over, I am back in a relationship and looking for a place to live with Lisa.  This time it's serious.


This turnaround comes courtesy of a heart-to-heart in Costa Coffee, Dongzhimen, in which we 'had to make a decision' about our future.  The positive outcome of the meeting is also initially down to a bouquet of flowers which I purchased in the afternoon.  The flowers (see pic), containing 3 lillies, on their own would not have been sufficient, but it laid the foundations for a good evening, in which the bitterness and 'coldness' of this last week was put behind us.

Last Saturday, it snowed again in Beijing.  A brief white spell.  But it is March now and this winter has been going on to long - remember, it snowed heavily on 1 November and that effectively signalled the start of winter.  It is scheduled to snow again on Monday (8th).  Fortunately, I have just returned from 2 weeks of warmth and sunshine.    The cold snap, with chill biting winds returned on Friday this week and I had to fish out my big, thick winter jacket again.  I thought I had put it away for good.


The other coldness is the one felt by Lisa, from me.  Not only a disastrous reunion meeting last Saturday, in which we tried to make sense of each other in a crowded KFC, but no gifts, no face-to-face signs of affection, no 'practical activities' which showed my feelings.  Unbeknown to her, I was making a compilation video of our time in the Philippines.  I have learned now that this was not sufficient. 


"A man should take the initiative".  This is what I have learned this week.  The underlying issue, which I didn't realise and hadn't dealt with.  I am not wholly used to taking the initiative, although I can do it and have done it in the past.  I have even taken the initiative with Lisa on some occasions,but because I am an egalitarian in relationships, I don't feel I should do it all the time.  However, in this case, I should, no....no....no... I must - for the relationship to work.


I had been left to organise the whole itinerary for the Philippines, which I thought was a set-up.  If it goes well, then great.... but if it goes wrong then I can get blamed.  No, my misunderstanding.  It is about me taking the initiative.... I lead, she follows...  so used to taking the initiative before in a relationship, Lisa is tired of doing so and wants to sit back and let someone else take the reigns.   Similarly, she is tired of doing all the work in a relationship, putting herself out and just getting burned.  Last time, I compared our beginning to my start with Christine - going on holiday soon after getting together.  This, too, is similar, in that she had been in a relationship with a guy in which she had become tried of making all the decisions.  So, I have learned my lesson this week, finally, and just in time.  She must, however, stop making reactions and expectations based upon recent, hurtful experiences.  She's living too much in the past.


It could have gone either way.  Indeed, I was expecting it to end, based on the text messages I had received 'post-Skype-conversation'.  I guess, by buying the flowers I had taken some kind of initiative, some positive intent, some expression of feeling which I could build upon.  It was the first flowers a guy had ever bought her.  I didn't believe her, but if that is true then it has made a big impression. 


Meanwhile, my first full week back at the university has finished.  We begin teaching again next Monday (8th).  So, this week has been about meetings, planning and getting organised.  I have already had far more time than necessary to get ready, so I am fully prepared and energised.  

For two days this week there was an 'open day' for the foundation programme.  All the students exhibited their work and welcomed interesting students and their parents about the prospect of doing the CAFAIFC (International Foundation Course) from next September.

I have been given a new member of staff, Li Jian ('Jamie'), to provide one-to-one English tuition for.  'Jamie' is a 4th year undergraduate at Beijing Union University, Chaoyang.  She is studying Business e-commerce, similar to what Lisa does for a living - except Lisa has a wealth of experience in software design and solutions management.

I have now allowing myself the feeling of taking a valued interest in the whole foundation programme beyond that which I had before.  The reason is that I have less time remaining than I have already completed, and I 
must think about the future.  Do I want to come back to Beijing, do I want to come back to Bell and the CAFA programme?  I believe it will all be here next year (from September) if I want it.  And I am seriously considering it, serious relationship or not.  I have stated my feeling, my intention to return, to members of CAFA staff and to my employer.  I have applied for the Bell young learners summer 
course again and intend to work at the Leys again - probably for 4 weeks in July and August.  How they expect me to fill in another CRB form though, I am not sure. But after that, there is a higher chance than not of returning to Beijing for another 10/12 months.  Beyond that, who knows... the future is not ours to see... not yet... although we CAN shape our future and we CAN make decisions about our future.  I also applied for the position of IELTS examiner with the British Council this week.   Unfortunately, they are quite strict about having a minimum of 3 years' experience, so that is not going to happen. 

On Saturday, a day after making peace with Lisa and starting afresh, we visited 798 Art District UCCA Ullens Centre together.  The purpose was to see Tim Crowley's 18 Reasons Why We Still Need Superman - 18 video pieces by contemporary artists.   Anyway, Tim is a art lecturer and tutor at CAFA, and now a friend of mine.  He has been touring around  South-East Asia with this exhibition, carrying it in 2 boxes, as all the pieces are conveniently portable videos.

Unfortunately the first 2 videos were very boring, so we left.  


It was still worthwhile visiting 798 again, with Lisa, as there were many photo opportunities.  Mostly, me posing while she snapped away.  We fell out briefly again, but I am learning that is par for the course... it's because we matter so much to each other.  We carried on talking about the future and ended up in Guangximen, her current location where she unhappily lives with her brother and his wife.  We seem set on getting a place together and for good reasons, not just because we want to free ourselves of our current situations. 


On Sunday, we visited China National Museum Of Art and later continued the discussion about moving in together.  I am certain now that it will happen, sooner or later.  It is what we both want.  It has involved a lot of discussion about we need as well as what we want.  We don't want to be half-hearted about this.  No fudged, tentative steps anymore.  There are some issues, doubts and fears.  But we want to be together.  I believe, on Sunday, I came up with a solution that would satisfy us both.  It remains to be seen if that solution is followed, but it could well cement our longer-term relationship and show my commitment to continuing to live in Beijing.

TP

Reminder: The remake of Coldplay's 'Yellow' is now online - click here

while the compilation, 'Lost In The Philippines' video I refer to above is also online - click here

Further photos from the Philippines -
click here