The End

And so I come to the end.  It's 30 April, and I have 1 more week to go in this lovely country.  But my mind is made up and I am returning home to the UK, and it is unlikely I will return to Beijing soon.


The students are decorating the 2nd floor of building 7 at CAFA with their portfolio artwork and posing for their graduation photos (see above and below).  Many of them have offers to study abroad, but that doesn't tell half the story of a foundation programme which is flawed in many respects.  I taught my final lesson on Wed 28 April.  It was about 'cause and effect' and I based it on the recent Icelandic Ash Cloud.  

Next week, new students will be given placement tests and interviewed to assess their English ability.  Personally, I reckon it is going to be more of the same.  I'm glad to be getting out of it.  I'm tired of getting to know (and teaching) the Chinese.  But PLEASE don't call me a bigot!

It has not been easy.  Despite the relief which comes from making the decision, I have felt depressed about my life situation and the inability, at times, to see something through to the end.  Circumstances have caused my mood to go through a rough patch, although I am fully aware I will recover... no doubt a lot quicker than the confidence setback that leaving South Korea proved to be.  My main life concern is money... if I had some, things would be a lot better.  I need to sort out some debts and try to work out a way that I can go from contract to contract and stay solvent, without continuously owing the bank.


Emotionally, I have been better, but also far worse.  I have patched things up domestically and have resolved to be nice for the remaining time that I am here.  The apparent criticisms aimed at me have only ever been observations.  A lot of what I feel comes from the environment, the city that I chose to live and work in for 9 months.  I am extraordinarily jealous of those people who have managed to make Beijing work for them.  Last Saturday (24 April), I was at a BBQ surrounded by Brits, Americans and Canadians and their respectively partners - many of them locals.  I didn't feel I fitted in with those that had made Beijing their home.  Although there was plenty of relish for the sausages!

As I draw things to a close, I have been tempted by the offer to stay.  I would have to find other work but the domestic situation could improve to a point that was more than bearable.  My co-tenant and girlfriend of the past 3 months is on the verge of being interviewed and offered a 420,000 yuan per year job with one of the world's biggest software developers, Oracle.  The standard of living would be quite reasonable if I threw in the 12-15,000 per month which I could potentially earn if I looked hard enough for another job or went freelance.  But whereas she is motivated by career development, I am not.  Of course, I want to develop my TEFL experience but I don't chase the money or responsibility in quite the same way.  I have been reminded of certain aspects of my character, but frankly I don't care about the things which I am already fully aware of and see no reason to change.   An important thing is being true to myself and not losing the aspects of my character which are appealing to most.  We can all seek self-improvement but I don't need lectures anymore about how to behave. 

I am very conscious that I will turn 40 next year.  The more I think about that the more I really want to get my life sorted out.  And that does not necessarily mean a relationship.  The desire of being at 'home' - by that I mean the UK - at that point - have increased a lot.  I have a desire to take stock and reflect once more, but not too much.   I know that my friends, the ones who truly matter, the ones who know and love me the most are in the UK, somewhere. Oh, and Busan.  


So, it's time to stock up on cheap DVD box-sets, pack the bags and return to my real home and not the pseudo hotel room I have been living in recently, nor the city which surely has its charms but is not the place I want to settle.  Sorry Beijing... you and me are not working out like I hoped.

Next stop: UK (9 May)