Return to Riyadh

I am back in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, beginning five months of teaching for Obeikan Research and Development at the King Saud University.  I am happy to be back.  It is important for me to be working and to be around people.  It is also important to get some sunshine back into my life after feeling low over the last couple of months back in the UK. 

I had to suffer to great disappointment of falling victim to panic attacks before I had begun teaching on the Bell Winter Explorer course.  I had committed myself to the month of January in Kent, before heading back to Saudi a couple of days after it finished. Except I was signed off sick, initially for 2 weeks, and then for the rest of the month.  I prepared a lot of lessons hoping to return but one sleepless night in a noisy halls of residence did for me.  At different times I had to show my illness, show my fitness, show my illness again and then convince my employer that I was fit to get onto a plane to Riyadh.  I learnt more about my perfectionist streak and how I can't seem to cope when operating at 50%.

Lots of talking and counselling over the recurring issue lead to a slow improvement.  But what I needed, along with increased medication, was to be active, work through it and to relocate my confidence in the place i left it. 

I thought a lot about the attitude I would need before coming back.  I have had to mentally prepare myself for situations.  Those situations which would recreate the panic attacks needed to be avoided.  Certain situations would be unavoidable and needed to be confronted head on, without getting overwhelmed.   I have carried that into the first 48 hours.   It has been very positive so far, but I am not going to get complacement already.  I found the Baron Palace hotel to be an improvement on the Nakhil, where I stayed before.  I felt the spacious room was more than I needed and soon invited another Obeikan employee, Kevin, from New York, to join me from across the landing.  There are many new employees staying here and a couple of old faces from last semester.  The downsides so far are surly staff who speak little English and a cooker which gives out electric surges every time you touch it.  I stay here for free for one month before having to find my own accommodation.  Of course, I can stay and negotiate a price.  I won't be alone.

At the University I received a warm welcome back by many staff.   It was genuinely pleasant and I surprised one or two who had no idea I was coming back, especially my old 'roomie', Shawn.  I bagged a desk in an instructor's room containing him, Danny and Riaz.  I hope I don't get moved.  The conversation buzzed today around what is going to happen in Egypt.  I have arrived at a good time, with a couple of days to get paperwork sorted out, become official again and settle in.  There has been some induction training, which I missed out on a little last time.  Next week (from Saturday) is Professional Development week.  There is a lot to take on board, opportunities abound to improve my CV and take part in social activities.  I have to strike the right balance between work, rest and play. 

On the night I arrived I was stopped by a stranger near the hotel who proceeded to explain his passion for Islam.  I went along with him but it became tiring as I felt he was trying to convert me there and then.  I learnt the next day at a relaxation room behind the local Al-Hama mosque, that this is not an instruction for Muslims.  They do wish to educate and inform non-muslims, however, and the session that was held last night for the university employees was interesting.  Essentially we discussed and raised questions about the first pillar of Islam (Shahada) and I got quite involved, raising some good points and, along with others, asking some good questions.

Anyway, this has been the first 48 hours of getting back 'on the bike', or maybe it should be back 'on the camel'.  If nobody reads this it doesn't matter as it is therapy to write my thoughts down, like in a diary.  Attitude - check. Positivity - check. Kitchen Towel - check.